I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
