Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
