half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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