I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
