I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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