he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
