she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
