someone owes me an orgasm
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
