there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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