a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
