Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
pray to the hookup gods
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
