how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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