oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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