i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
