Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize