i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
