GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
