I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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