Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
