There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Randomize
