carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
