I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
