I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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