i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
