i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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