All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
