I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
