I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
