so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this just has baby written all over it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
