I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
