I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
