OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
