You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize