I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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