just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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