dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
