i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just high enough for therapy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
