Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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