I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
