we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My dick has a subreddit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
