How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
