I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
