We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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