dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
