What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize