Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
