Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
