Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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