At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize