For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
