Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
