Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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