Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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