So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
