I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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