There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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