I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
