At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
