On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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