dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just invented taco cereal.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
