he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
