Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize