So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
