...so i touched it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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