i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
