That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
