can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize