I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
