I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
