I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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