I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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