happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
