I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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