I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
