I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
